This post reminds me of the show Love Connection and the host with the giant watch who was always back in “two and two.” Well, this is a “five and five” list, but anything that reminds me of Love Connection is a good thing. That was a damn fine show.
Five Things I Need More Of
• Nighttime Baby Wash. I’m not a baby (physically) and I don’t only use it at night, but it’s cheap and it smells like a cuddly blanket (it’s also gentle enough you can use it on everything, from cheeks to cheeks). Night night, baby wash. Night night, pillow. Now I sleep on a bed of puppies in a field of peony poofs.
• Tulip Festival. Yep, it’s almost that time of year again…Skagit Valley Tulip Festival! So far, only the daffodils are up in my neighborhood, but the tulips should be coming in a couple weeks, maybe less if it stays near 60. I can’t wait.
• Tamales. A coworker has a tamale connection and now I have a tamale connection. If you’ve ever tasted the quality of commercially-prepared tamales or spent the hours of hard labor it takes to make them at home, you know how important it is to have a tamale connection. My freezer will soon be brimming with the most delicious corn, chicken, and lard concoctions this side of…well…probably Yakima. But still. (Sidenote: Tamales are gluten free!)
• Crazy pictures of Dougal. I took this one last weekend at the river. We hiked down and I’d hoped to grab a few minutes of peaceful sitting on a rock, but Dougal is not at one with the force just yet. He was aching to get moving again. So, we collected some curly driftwood and enjoyed the sunshine.
• Friends who watch Ax Men. The only one I know who watches the show is my dentist and, as tempting as it is to go back every week to discuss the hijinks of Swamp Man Shelby and his delightful canine sidekick, Piss Willy, I just can’t justify the loss of enamel. I need more friends who love Ax Men. I’m bursting at the seams to talk about it!
Five Things That Need To Go Away
• The pretense our government does any bombing for humanitarian reasons. Since 2006, millions have been killed and hundreds of thousands have been raped in the Congo and our government has done absolutely nothing. Libya experiences the equivalent of a political gas ball and we’re all over it. Could oil possibly be the reason? Maybe? Or, are we saying Middle Eastern people are more deserving of humanitarian efforts than Africans? I hope that’s not what we’re saying.
• Jennifer Lopez. Is she out of money? Why is she pitching everything from shave cream to hair straightener all of a sudden? How does she even get endorsement deals? This isn’t 2002. Speaking of 2002, I saw Avril Lavigne on a magazine last weekend. Good golly. She’s still wearing the shoe polish eyeliner. Maybe this is 2002.
• Theme weddings. When I started seeing pictures of superhero, underwater, nudist, and camo weddings, I knew it was time to step back and say, “No more.” It was bad enough when it was fashionable to do destination weddings (if there’s one good thing to be said about violent Mexican drug cartels, it’s that the destination wedding market has been seriously compromised), but replacing them with tacky themes is no solution to the “look at me, look at me” wedding problem. There’s no shame in a courthouse wedding. That’s what my parents did. The first time.
• The new Kars for Kids commercials. Most annoying jingle ever. Just make it stop. (I was going to dig up a link, but I care about you all too much to put you through it. You’re welcome.)
• The Kamel Toe Bar and Grill in Spanaway. I probably don’t need to explain why this one needs to go away, but I had to include it on the list. I’m going to try and get a picture of the sign to share. It’s ridiculous. Kamel toe. That deserves my second “good golly” of this blog post. That’s a new record!