I stayed up late last night watching the third episode this season of The Walking Dead. It’s my favorite show. I shouldn’t stay up so late watching tv, but I can’t stop myself. I get so excited to see what’s going to happen that I can’t wait until Monday.
As a fan of the show, I’ve certainly imagined myself as a survivor in a zombie-infested world and my hopes aren’t too high. I don’t expect I would survive for long. Some days, even without zombies, I feel ready to cash in my chips. I don’t need the added pressure of a million lurching undead to convince me life sometimes isn’t worth the hassle. I have work and bills and a constant barrage of relatively minor obligations to remind me of that.
However, I was thinking the other day about what sorts of things I could do now to prep for a zombie takeover. Here’s what I came up with:
• Get in really good shape. The chubby ones die early in zombie attacks. They’re slower and particularly juicy. That doesn’t bode well for my little Dougal. Or me.
• Buy cargo pants. Not terribly fashionable, but all those pockets may come in handy.
• Stockpile feminine hygiene products. On the show, they’re about a year out from the zombies taking over and they’re already scavenging food and nearing starvation. No one is mentioning the tampon situation, however.
• And floss. With a primarily meat diet, floss would be critical. There will be few dentists around and I want to make sure I keep my natural teeth as long as possible. I dread the day I steal dentures from a zombie’s mouth.
• Learn not to pee on my shoes. I’m all about the outdoor pee. However, since my knee surgery, I have a bit of trouble with the whole crouching thing. In fact, the first post-surgical outdoor pee I attempted ended with wet pants and a soaked right shoe. Since then, I’ve gotten marginally better, but I still sometimes get my shoe. And, it’s not a quick process. It takes time (and considerable balance) for me to make it happen and get back up. I have to do a “shoot the duck” thing. Not easy. I’d be zombie bait!
How do you think you’d fare in a doomsday situation, zombies or otherwise? Would you want to be one of the last ones standing?