Two weeks down

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I miss him in the morning.

I miss him in the car.

I miss him when I go to the bathroom or take a shower (he was always sitting at my feet or sleeping on the bath mat).

I miss him when I leave for work.

I miss him when I get home.

I miss him tugging at my pant legs.

I miss him when I snuggle the other dogs.

I miss him at mealtimes.

I miss him when I watch tv.

I miss him when we go for walks.

I miss him when I leave his leash on the hanger.

I miss him when we hike.

I miss him at night, when my hand needs a furry belly to scratch.

I miss him when I eat popcorn and there’s no one to dive for the pieces that fall.

I miss him when I think I forgot to give him his medicine.

I miss him when I see his things in our closet.

I miss him when I, without thinking, tell someone we have four dogs.

I miss him when I go up the stairs at night with empty arms.

I miss him reminding me that he needs a cookie.

I miss him every minute of every day.

I carry his heart in my heart

Barley profile

As most of you know, Barley passed away Sunday (June 2). I say that I’m heartbroken only because there are no words to describe the depth of sadness and overwhelming loss I feel. The truth is, I don’t know how to live without him. He was my anchor, my best friend, the love of my life. I felt an attachment to him I’ve never felt for another creature, human or otherwise. We had a deep bond that cannot be described. I love him more than I can express.

A pic from his birthday last year.

A pic from his birthday last year.

I used to tell him that my heart was connected to his heart by an invisible chain that only he and I could feel. As I said it, I would touch my heart and his, and he always looked at me like he understood and knew it to be true. He was a very wise fella.

I write this today not to go into the details of how he passed or how hard these past days have been (you’d only need to look at my face to know that), but because today is his 13th birthday. He didn’t make it in life, but he’s here in spirit. I sense him all around me and I know he’d hate for any of us to be sad on such an important day.

Barley was always up for adventure.

Barley was always up for adventure.

So, in honor of Barley’s 13th birthday, I’m declaring it Barley Day, a day to honor my best friend. I’ll do that by not shedding a tear for him (there’s plenty of time for that in the days, months, and years to come) but by remembering the things I loved most about him. He always kept me guessing and never played by the rules, and I loved him more for it.

I include here a poem that expresses how I feel about Barley. It gives me comfort and I hope it helps you, too. I know so many of you loved him very deeply.

I also include his favorite song. We danced together to it many times over his lifetime. He would bark and spin, and tug at my pant legs until I picked him up in my arms and danced him around as I sang. This song always makes me think of him and how much I love him. Wouldn’t it be nice if our best friends never left us?

[i carry your heart with me(i carry it in]

by ee cummings

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in

my heart)i am never without it(anywhere

i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done

by only me is your doing,my darling)

i fear

no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want

no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)

and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant

and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows

(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud

and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows

higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)

and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)